Yes, the title is satirized. Tastefully so, I hope. Now, as many of you know, I died for a minute or so awhile back. There are a few funny stories that occurred after I was brought back and in the hospital, here's one of them, and a brief story to go with it.
I am a history major, and I like to say I'm focused on Russian history. The reason for this is a story I heard back when I was a wee little lad. What follows is a brief telling of said story, if you've heard of Rasputin before you can skip to the next paragraph. Grigori Rasputin was a monk/mystic/sex fiend who was around during the last days of Tsarist Russia. The Tsar in question is Nicholas II, who was married to Alix. She bore him a son, and due to the slight inbreeding of the Romanov family, he was born with hemophilia. Alix did everything she could to help her darling Alexei, but nothing worked. Eventually she turned to mysticism. She went through a couple different mystics, but none of them could work their magic. Finally she was introduced to Grigori and he could stop the bleeding of her sweet son. There are several theories as to how he did this, none of which are relevant. The part that got me as a kid was his death. He was lured to Yusupov Palace by Felix Yusupov, who had hinted that his wife wanted some of his "medicine." The first thing he and his cohorts tried was cyanide in the cake and wine. Rasputin finished them off and called for more. Then they shot him and rolled him up in a rug. After a bit Felix went to check on the body, and Rasputin opened his eyes and charged him. After Felix broke free he shot at Rasputin, missed twice, then hit him in the back and in the head. They dumped his body in the river. When his body was found there was water in the lungs, indicating he could have still been alive in the water. To my young mind this guy was the ultimate man, and I immediately fell in love with the story.
Here's where what happened to me picks up. I even vaguely remember this part. I was in the ER and people were talking around me, but it sounded like they were underwater. Because I was not responding the doctor wanted to put me in a coma to prevent brain damage. My parents didn't want this (neither did I, but I couldn't hear them), so my mother leaned in really close and yelled, "Jake! Who was the creepy Russian?" I responded correctly, and thus was able to prevent the doctor from putting me in a coma. While Rasputin certainly was a drunkard, womanizer, manizer (that's not technically a word, but it's funny), and one of the causes for the fall of the Romanov dynasty, he prevented me from being put in a coma. I now vow that when I am older and get a house a picture of Rasputin will hang prominently in it, and it will be the first thing people see when they walk in. I owe it to him. The man who saved me from being put into a coma.
I am a history major, and I like to say I'm focused on Russian history. The reason for this is a story I heard back when I was a wee little lad. What follows is a brief telling of said story, if you've heard of Rasputin before you can skip to the next paragraph. Grigori Rasputin was a monk/mystic/sex fiend who was around during the last days of Tsarist Russia. The Tsar in question is Nicholas II, who was married to Alix. She bore him a son, and due to the slight inbreeding of the Romanov family, he was born with hemophilia. Alix did everything she could to help her darling Alexei, but nothing worked. Eventually she turned to mysticism. She went through a couple different mystics, but none of them could work their magic. Finally she was introduced to Grigori and he could stop the bleeding of her sweet son. There are several theories as to how he did this, none of which are relevant. The part that got me as a kid was his death. He was lured to Yusupov Palace by Felix Yusupov, who had hinted that his wife wanted some of his "medicine." The first thing he and his cohorts tried was cyanide in the cake and wine. Rasputin finished them off and called for more. Then they shot him and rolled him up in a rug. After a bit Felix went to check on the body, and Rasputin opened his eyes and charged him. After Felix broke free he shot at Rasputin, missed twice, then hit him in the back and in the head. They dumped his body in the river. When his body was found there was water in the lungs, indicating he could have still been alive in the water. To my young mind this guy was the ultimate man, and I immediately fell in love with the story.
Here's where what happened to me picks up. I even vaguely remember this part. I was in the ER and people were talking around me, but it sounded like they were underwater. Because I was not responding the doctor wanted to put me in a coma to prevent brain damage. My parents didn't want this (neither did I, but I couldn't hear them), so my mother leaned in really close and yelled, "Jake! Who was the creepy Russian?" I responded correctly, and thus was able to prevent the doctor from putting me in a coma. While Rasputin certainly was a drunkard, womanizer, manizer (that's not technically a word, but it's funny), and one of the causes for the fall of the Romanov dynasty, he prevented me from being put in a coma. I now vow that when I am older and get a house a picture of Rasputin will hang prominently in it, and it will be the first thing people see when they walk in. I owe it to him. The man who saved me from being put into a coma.
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