Unfounded: Jews in Egypt

My internship required me to research and write a history of Egypt. While doing this I came across the fact that there is no evidence (other than what's in the Bible) for the Biblical tales of Jews in Egypt. Another reason I started researching this is earnest was a roommate’s claims that some guy had found Noah’s Ark, the Red Sea Crossing, and a whole lot of other biblical sites. The problem with Ron Wyatt is he was not an archaeologist and could make no real claims to substantiate his finds. He’s been denounced by scientific communities as well as most religious groups. Evangelical Christians love this guy, which explains why that particular roommate was so excited.

The reason this belief has been accepted as true comes from a book called Against Apion by Josephus Flavius.[1] In this book he cites a passage from the book Aegyptica by Manetho,[2] who was a historian during the Ptolemaic Dynasty, talking about the Hyksos. Josephus mistranslated Hyksos to “shepherd kings,” (which I guess is a reference to Jews) it actually means “rulers of foreign land.”

The Hyksos came in during the Second Intermediate Period (1664–1555  BCE)[3] of Egyptian history, ruled for a little over 100 years, and were the 13-15^th Dynasties.[4] They were invaders from a foreign land and managed to conquer most of Egypt. By the end of the 15^th Dynasty the Hyksos were defeated by the 17^th Dynasty (made up of Theban Egyptians) and were allowed to retreat.[5] This retreat could possibly be interpreted as The Exodus if the dates weren't off. The Exodus is dated to be around 1440 BCE,[6] or 1200-1250 BCE.[7] The Hyksos were around from 1664–1555 BCE.

If new evidence comes around and proves it cool, I will add a disclaimer to this post. As it currently stands the historicity of this section of the Bible is laughable. 

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Footnotes do not transition between Word and Blogger too well, sorry.

[1] Josephus, The Life. Against Apion (Loeb Classical Library), Harvard University Press, 1976.

[2] Unfortunately there are no surviving copies of this book. Against Apion cites it, and there are fragments left.

[3] http://www.oxfordreference.com.hal.weber.edu:2200/view/10.1093/acref/9780195102345.001.0001/acref-9780195102345-e-0328?rskey=MVJrga&result=1

[4] Ibid.

[5] Ibid.

[6] This is according to Rabbinic Judaism.

[7] By Biblical scholar William F. Albright

Advise to those moving out

An Atheist, a Mormon, and a Pentecostal all decide to live together, stop me if you've heard this one before.

That actually has nothing to do with this post, I just thought it sounded like the beginning to a corny joke. So, I've been living with a kid (the Pentecostal) for the past semester. He's never not lived at home, and he's lacking in some areas. I'll use him as an example of what not to do when you move in with two other people that you don't know, or do know. Alternatively, if you want to be a complete dick to your future roommates, do everything I say not to do and you're sure to piss someone off. Oh, and mother, I get the dish washing thing. I really do.

1. Learn to wash your dishes. This is a relatively easy skill to learn, especially if you've ever had a job in food services. Setting them in the sink after using them is a no-no. At the very least you should try to use the water to get most of the junk off, and, if you're brave, get some soap up in there and actually clean it off completely. You can then either A. put them on a drying rack if you have one or B. (preferred) actually put them in the dishwasher. It ain't hard.
2. Washing all the dishes. This one gets tricky. You're at the sink, washing your dishes and you notice there are some from your roommates. This is a good time to earn karma with your roommates, so they don't cut you off from the internet or something equally devious. Odds are is that they have done this for you (in my case EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.) and it's a nice way to return the favor, or be a genuinely nice person. Follow step 1 for this and you'll be living with some happy people.
3. Clean up after yourself. This is a skill usually taught right out of the womb. I have a hard time with people who haven't mastered it after 21 years of life. This step is extremely important if you're sharing a room with someone. When you can see a dividing line between your side and the other persons, you've got a problem. All you have to do is put laundry in the laundry basket, trash in the trash can, and keep your area looking somewhat organized. I don't think that its very difficult, but I could be wrong.
4. Be courteous, especially at night. Everyone has a different sleeping schedule, and you should respect that. I'm a night owl, but that doesn't mean everyone else is. After a certain time you should tone your voice, TV, movie, or whatever else you happen to be doing down out of respect for your roommates. Alternatively, wake up when your alarm goes off instead of letting it go off at 5 minute intervals for half an hour. 
5. Get off your high-horse. This can refer to many things, but in this case I'm talking about building up your pathetic attempts at cleaning. So, lets say that your dishes have been getting washed by magic for over three months. Then, one time, you decide to do the dishes. First of all, holy shit, really? You really did them? Oh wait, you washed your own and a couple of others and didn't even put them in the drying rack or dishwasher. Shut up. Right now, cause you're going to have a problem. When your apartment has been getting cleaned by "magic" it really hasn't and you're a stupid person. Doing the dishes half-assed one time does not compare. When your roommates have been asking you to pitch in and you finally do in the last few days of living together it just makes you a dick. If this had happened at the beginning of your time together it would be appreciated, but you talk it up like you're the best thing in the world and attempt to make it more than it is. At this point you're no longer worth the air you breath.

Phew! I may have gotten a little angry there at the end, sorry about that. There they are, the 5 easy steps that will ensure your survival moving out and into the world. You can guess who won't be getting the internet for his last few days with us!

A series to try out

This past month I blazed through the Dresden Files by Jim Butcher. There are currently 14 books out, ranging from 250ish to 450ish pages each. It's set in Chicago, and the main character is Harry Dresden, Wizard, as his Yellowpages ad declares. He's a smart-alec who gets the crap kicked out of him every book, and between books as well. He occasionally helps out Chicago PD when they have something they can't explain. Despite their constant exposure to the magical world most of them remain woefully ignorant of it.

I haven't been exposed to much urban fantasy, and I think he's done a (mostly) good job of it. My problems come from the randomly interjected sex (on one occasion it turns into BDSM ). It stands out because it feels like I'm reading a book that's somewhere between young-adult and adult fantasy with the occasional swearing. The other problem I have is there is little to no character development until book 12 of the series. Maybe Butcher is going for an extremely stubborn character who refuses to change even his basic habits, but I don't like it. There are a lot of cool ideas in the series as well, such as the Knights of the Cross and the Denarians.

Is it worth reading? Pick up the first few books, it'll take a day or two to get through them and see if you enjoy it. I didn't mind them and I got through the series in about 3 weeks. Next up will be the Dark Tower series by Stephen King. 

Vape On

I vape.

I love it.

The media has been out to get the users of vaporizers, e-cigs, electronic cigarettes, death sticks, etc., etc. Almost none of what they (anti-vaporizer/e-cig people) are saying is true, although we do look like futuristic bounty hunters. Take this article from Huffington Post. I tore my eyes out reading it.

1. E-cigarettes contain toxic chemicals. 
• False. E-juice contains propylene glycol,  vegetable glycerin, flavoring, and nicotine (optional). The juices come in a varying degrees of mixtures and flavors. All of these are FDA approved food-grade items.  
2. Kids and teens can buy them. 
• Kids can by cigarettes, which are even worse for you. Kids can by alcohol. When I was a kid I would buy highly flammable liquids to burn things with. This is a stupid point. 
3. Marketing to children. 
• Have you ever heard of Prime Times? They're flavored cigarettes, with flavors like cinnamon, wild berry, vanilla, etc.  You can make this argument with anything, what it comes down to is people like good flavors, regardless of age.
4. Lack of laws and regulation.
• This is the only valid point the entire article makes. They're right, it isn't regulated, yet. I'm all for regulation, and the community has done a wonderful job regulating itself. Recently there was a study that caused a scare. People testing cinnamon flavoring found dangerous levels of cytotoxins in it. MtBakerVapor.com, the store I buy from, pulled the cinnamon flavored juices off the market until smarter people showed how testers did the study wrong (using concentrates, not using a vaporized form, etc.).
5. E-cigarettes can be used in many places where smoking is banned.
• It comes down to secondhand on this, and it's almost irrelevant. Weber State has it posted on most of the buildings now, and I'm sure other places will soon. Besides, wouldn't you rather smell a wonderful aroma rather than burning tobacco? 
6. People think e-cigarettes can help them quit smoking.
• Not only do people think this, but are proving it true every day. I've never smoked a cigarette, so I can't tell you my remarkable quitting story, but if you look you can find hundreds, if not thousands of people who have quit thanks to vaporizers. 
7. E-cigarettes aren't taxed like traditional tobacco products.
• There's no "sin" tax, yet. I don't think there should be one either. Why tax something that helps more than harms? (Shameless plug for marijuana legalization)
8. Despite unknown health consequences, e-cigarettes are poised to make inroads with a new generation of young people.
• Absolutely. This is far better than the cigarettes, which past generations have dealt with. This is a wonderful technology that will help countless amounts of people.

There has been no research about the long-term effects, but the vaping community will welcome it, rather than hide it and cause harm to generations. The second studies show that it's harmful I'll be done with it and so will many others. It's just too good to demonize, as many people who have quit smoking by vaping can tell you. 

There ya have it. I love vaping, it's helped (and is still helping) me with some of the problems I face, on top of making me look like I'm from the future (although I use a Provari, not an e-cig). Feel free to ask questions and I'll answer them to the best of my ability.  

Celebration Post!

It's been a long five weeks without a computer. I've been stuck on my tablet for far too long. So, to celebrate the wonderful return of my laptop I humbly offer you a very brief history of Afghanistan.


Remains of early humans found in the region now known as Afghanistan date back 50,000 years; people have been fighting over it ever since. 

The Finale

I woke up the next morning in the Davis Hospital ICU with a mask on my face and various monitoring devices attached to my body. My blood pressure was still abysmal so they began pumping me full of fluids, which made me feel like a giant water balloon. Lots of people came to see me despite me telling them not too. (On this note, if I'm ever in the hospital again don't waste your time, seriously. If you want me to feel better go about your life so only I have to be stuck in a hellhole.) My surgeon came to see me and make sure my hip was doing fine. He really is a great surgeon, I never had to use crutches. Another one of my doctors dropped in and said, "What the hell are you doing in here?" The ICU was miserable, but the nurses liked me. According to one I was, "A lot easier to deal with and not as racist." After two or three days of not eating they finally forced me to. Overdosing on narcotics really kills your appetite. I was moved to telemetry for a bit then finally sent home. This time I walked out.

I've had a lot of time to think about this experience. I harbor a lot of resentment towards Davis Hospital, especially since they billed my parents for my time there. After coming home I began to hear multiple stories of people who had experienced what I went through, but most of them weren't as lucky. Here's a reminder for everyone to learn CPR and First Aid. My dad never thought he'd use it, but he was well trained and saved my life.

The moral of this story: Don't go to Davis Hospital. Ever. One of my friend's parents already lived by this and took him to McKay instead. Smart move. 

Dying and the art of making awkward things seem less awkward + bonus review

I'll call this part 3 of my epic tale. And at the end I'll review Ender's Game, so spoilers ahead.

Waking up in a strange place is weird, and it is even strange when you become conscious from being slid from an ambulance bed thing to an ER bed. I have bits of memory from this rough transition. The first noteworthy one is when I woke up in the actual ER room surrounded by people poking my hand. In fact, it was the pain that woke me up. I asked them to please stop poking me, and that got a laugh or two, then I passed out again.

The next was another pain-induced awakening. I looked down at the source and some guy was putting a catheter in. I said either "This is uncomfortable," or "This is uncomfortable for both of us." I just have to keep them laughing. The next memories are of begging for water. A bipac or whatever its called really dries out your throat. It is not pleasant.

The final awakening was in my ICU room. This is not a memory I like to recall. Talking is hard when you have oxygen constantly blowing in your throat. My dad was next to me and told me what happened. The strange thing is I knew I had died. I knew where I was, but I did not know the details. I lost control after he filled me in and the monitors started screaming at me, then I passed out again.

Now, on to something (only) slightly less depressing: Ender's Game. I have easily read this book more than 100 times, and I've studied it more than most study the bible. I even tried memorizing it once. Now that I have established my credentials here's what I thought of the movie.... Spoilers












Spoilers Ahead!





























Kay. I didn't like it. It was visually stunning but they changed too much of the actual story, some of it in the name of diversity (see Anderson and Dap), and some for no apparent reason. Bonzo was supposed to die dammit! There never was any sort of romance between Ender and Petra. Ever. Dragon started at #1 and stayed at #1, and they combined to battles into one which pissed me right off. I really hated the entirety of Battle School. It was too rushed and the butchered the Fantasy Game. Bean wasn't on his flight and Bernard didn't go to Command School with them. On that note, there wasn't enough of Dink of Hot Soup, and no Crazy Tom. I did enjoy the simulator, but that required ignoring the fact that they were all in the same room. Bah. Objectively it was a good movie, but because I have such an intimate relationship with the book I cannot separate the two. In the future I'll make a list of every detail they got wrong, if you want more on that then text me and I have a pretty decent list already. So now I have two reasons to hate Gavin Hood. Even though he didn't write Origins: Wolverine, I still blame him for the horrendous portrayal of Deadpool. 

How it all happened (AKA why you should never go to Davis Hospital)

Proper stories start from the beginning, but I didn't do that. This portion is about why I was at the hospital in the first place and how running led to my death.

For some silly reason I decided I wanted to get into better shape. So I started running at night after work, slowly making my way up to 2 miles a night. Over the course of this exercise my knees started to hurt, then my hips began producing an excruciating pain; it was to the point that I could not walk after my runs. After this happened 4 or 5 times I decided I should probably see a doctor. I went in to the appointment and the doctor told me my labrum was torn and I had a femoral acetubular impingement (fancy speak for a bone overgrowth on my hip and femur). First they injected steroids into my hips (cringing at the thought of this, imagine a six inch needle going into your hip, you can’t feel it going in, but you can feel it scraping against your bones) to see if that would help. Alas, it did not, and the next step was surgery.

Everything went well during the surgery. I didn't even have to use crutches. It was the post-op that did me in. My medical records show the RN in charge of giving me medicine completely disregarded what pain level I said I was at. I never said anything above a 6-7. The reason, the paper said, for giving me so much medication was a pain level I never claimed to be at (8-10). Recently a lawyer told me I was given double doses of some medication as well. I don’t remember much of the post-op  other than saying, when I was first asked, my pain level was 6-7, walking around, going to the bathroom, and the beginning of my wheelchair ride to my car.

The moral of this story: don’t exercise, you’ll die.

Next time: Dying and the art of making awkward things seem less awkward. 

A series suggestion: Malazan Book of the Fallen

A forward and a forewarning for future suggestions: I love to read. I can say there have only been two series I absolutely despise, the first being A Song of Ice and Fire, the second being The Sword of Truth (AKA cheap Wheel of Time knockoff). Everything else I have enjoyed, and I'm not too critical of books (unless you blatantly rip off the Wheel of Time).

I've had requests for a blog with book suggestions, and here's one for the Malazan Book of the Fallen. At the moment there are 16 books in the series, as well as two authors, and an assortment of short stories. I'd argue this is the best fantasy I've read, even beating out Jordan and Sanderson (those of you who know my preference for authors should have fainted after reading that sentence).

The main sequence (10 books) is written by Steven Erikson, who is currently writing a prequel series (1 book so far, I think it's going to be a trilogy), and there are "supplements" to the series by Ian C. Esslemont (5 books). Esslemont has one more book coming that I know of, and Erikson is going to write a sequel trilogy after he's done with the current trilogy. The books are based off a D&D campaign they made together some time back. The series is dark with some adult content and some swearing.

The first book is Gardens of the Moon. Imagine being suddenly dropped into the middle of the House of Representatives with no prior knowledge of how the government works and this is going on. This is how it feels picking up GotM for the first time, but with less "moral" selfishness and more reality. Erikson does not coddle you, and you will not have any idea what is going on for some time. This may not be the strongest start for a series suggestion; if you keep with it you will not be disappointed.

The main idea of the series is power attracts power, and when enough powerful beings decide to hang out a convergence happens, and everything could go to hell in an instant, or not. The Gods interact with the mortals, and there are demigods that will deus-ex-machina out of nowhere. It's really cool.

Erikson's characters are human, not the beacons of morality some people expect in fantasy. The books get darker, and just when you think there is no hope the light appears and there is relief. You'll hate and love his characters at the same time. There will be moments when you will be cheering, and many moments when you will feel like crying.

One of the bad things in suggesting a series such as this is I can't go into too much detail, or I'll spoil everything. I'll end with this: If I could go back and read these books for the first time I'd do it in an instant. I envy those of you who will brave the Malazan Book of the Fallen for the first time. 

Savior of my world

Yes, the title is satirized. Tastefully so, I hope. Now, as many of you know,  I died for a minute or so awhile back. There are a few funny stories that occurred after I was brought back and in the hospital, here's one of them, and a brief story to go with it.

I am a history major, and I like to say I'm focused on Russian history. The reason for this is a story I heard back when I was a wee little lad. What follows is a brief telling of said story, if you've heard of Rasputin before you can skip to the next paragraph. Grigori Rasputin was a monk/mystic/sex fiend who was around during the last days of Tsarist Russia. The Tsar in question is Nicholas II, who was married to Alix. She bore him a son, and due to the slight inbreeding of the Romanov family, he was born with hemophilia. Alix did everything she could to help her darling Alexei, but nothing worked. Eventually she turned to mysticism. She went through a couple different mystics, but none of them could work their magic. Finally she was introduced to Grigori and he could stop the bleeding of her sweet son. There are several theories as to how he did this, none of which are relevant. The part that got me as a kid was his death. He was lured to Yusupov Palace by Felix Yusupov, who had hinted that his wife wanted some of his "medicine." The first thing he and his cohorts tried was cyanide in the cake and wine. Rasputin finished them off and called for more. Then they shot him and rolled him up in a rug. After a bit Felix went to check on the body, and Rasputin opened his eyes and charged him. After Felix broke free he shot at Rasputin, missed twice, then hit him in the back and in the head. They dumped his body in the river. When his body was found there was water in the lungs, indicating he could have still been alive in the water. To my young mind this guy was the ultimate man, and I immediately fell in love with the story.

Here's where what happened to me picks up. I even vaguely remember this part. I was in the ER and people were talking around me, but it sounded like they were underwater. Because I was not responding the doctor wanted to put me in a coma to prevent brain damage. My parents didn't want this (neither did I, but I couldn't hear them), so my mother leaned in really close and yelled, "Jake! Who was the creepy Russian?" I responded correctly, and thus was able to prevent the doctor from putting me in a coma. While Rasputin certainly was a drunkard, womanizer, manizer (that's not technically a word, but it's funny), and one of the causes for the fall of the Romanov dynasty, he prevented me from being put in a coma. I now vow that when I am older and get a house a picture of Rasputin will hang prominently in it, and it will be the first thing people see when they walk in. I owe it to him. The man who saved me from being put into a coma.